Coming Home
by Sable-Reiver
Summary: Sora and Riku have returned home from their long journey but Riku isn't quite how he used to be. Slight SoRiku.


Sora doesn't notice it at first, their return to a normal life is much harder and significantly less comfortable than anyone had thought. Still, they're back on the Island and that seems to be good enough for now. Their own small infinity.

It's a warm day, easy unlike the many in their past and Sora and Riku are eating breakfast at the table. It's small, but as Riku is reading the back of the cereal box he freezes up. To be entirely honest, Sora is functioning on almost all cylinders, while he had never been a morning person, constant travel has at least made him alert on waking, so he notices that Riku seizes entirely.

"Your name is Riku and you are not allergic to peanuts." Riku mumbles.

Sora can't quite hear him, though, and he doesn't think much of it. The rest of the day passes and Sora feels weird watching Riku so intensely. It's not until Riku assures him that he won't run off again that Sora realizes how blatant he's being, so he laughs and brushes it off. The thought of Riku leaving is a dark idea that Sora pushes to the farthest depths of his mind, saved for nightmares.

Forgetting about the incident is easier than Sora would like to admit, and he doesn't realize that there is even something he's forgotten until he sees it again. They're signing a birthday card for Kairi and Sora scratches his name onto it with a small message before handing it to Riku. The pen is already in motion on the paper when Riku freezes up entirely again, Selphie is busy talking about the surprise party she's throwing and doesn't see, but Sora is quick to catch the neat X confidently penned onto the card, then watches as Riku quickly attaches an O to it before signing his name beneath it. It's odd, Sora muses, Riku has always hated that particular abbreviation.

One morning Sora wakes up to a muffled sob from the other side of the bed, Riku has the far-off look in his eyes and his body is fully frozen like he can't move it. It's rare to see Riku this vulnerable and Sora is at a loss for what to do. Instead, he just lays there and watches as Riku slowly starts to relax and states firmly, "My name is Riku and you're on the Islands again." The phrase is repeated more than once and it takes awhile for the trembling to stop. Sora's not proud, but he pretends to be asleep, not sure if the comfort he can give would make things better or worse.

The incidents don't happen often, but they happen regularly enough that Sora knows to look for them now. It's just little things like ordering spicy food, not remembering that he can't handle it until it's in his mouth and burning his tongue.

They go out shopping together one day and Sora can hear Riku sigh in frustration from the changing room he's in.

"Anything I can do?" he hears the sales associate ask. Sora is sitting in the viewing area and turns so that he can watch the exchange.

Riku opens the door and hands her a stack of shirts. "These are too big, can you get me a different size?"

Riku closes the door after the woman takes the clothes from him. She sets them down in the pile of things to go back onto the floor and wanders out to grab the smaller sizes. Seizing his chance, Sora creeps towards the clothes and looks; they're nearly two sizes too big for Riku.

As the incidents pile up, Sora can feel Riku getting more and more distant. There were the obvious signs; Riku not wanting to hang out with their friends, asking Sora to pick up the groceries by himself, taking long walks around the beach at night when he thinks Sora is asleep and no one can see him stare in wonder across the ocean and examine the paopu fruit the way they did when they were children.

The times that Sora can convince Riku to leave their house during the day and with company, Riku hangs back, taking his cue from whoever they're with. If they're at a restaurant Riku will leave the table and ask Sora to order for him, if they're playing games and chatting over drinks, Riku will remain quiet until someone speaks to him directly, not adding in his opinion or contributing to the conversation.

The longer it drags on the more worried Sora gets. He knows how fragile Riku can be, and how vulnerability has been detrimental to both of them through the years. More than that, their journey's through the stars and worlds wasn't easy for either of them, and if Sora's trek had been tough while surrounded by friends, he dreads to think of what some of Riku's journey must have been like.

He catches Riku eyeing up his birthmark one day and it almost physically hurts to not say anything. Sora has known Riku long enough to know that if he brings anything up Riku will get defensive and pull away further. Riku needs to come to him with this and until then Sora can do nothing but try and help when he can. It's admittedly not much.

Sora finally hits his limit one night when he's lying in bed, listening to the rhythmic sounds of Riku breathing and trying to determine if some time away from the Island would be better or worse. Maybe being home after being away for so long is so surreal that it doesn't feel real to Riku. Maybe Riku thinks it's all about to start all over again.

Riku's breathing changes and Sora can tell that he's no longer asleep. His breathing has become mediated and careful, like if he doesn't breathe correctly something bad will crash through their wall. The bed shifts as Riku is trying to get comfortable, and then there is perfect stillness and all but the shallowest of breaths coming from the other side of the bed.

There's something about the tension coming from Riku that encourages Sora to turn over and face him. He takes in Riku's guarded expression and the fact that he's trying to slide out of bed without jostling Sora and his heart finishes breaking. The look in Riku's eyes is almost fearful, like Sora is a wild animal that he's trying not to disturb, like Riku can't figure out why they're in the same bed. Sora hopes desperately that it's not because he doesn't look familiar.

They stare at each other over the liminal space that the night likes to inhabit. Sora doesn't know if he should break the silence. The decision is made for him as Riku leaves, leaving Sora alone.

Sora counts out the seconds until he feels in control of himself again. It's obvious that Riku needs an intervention, an ear to talk to, a...something. Sora can't be that something if he's about to break down himself.

He finds Riku on the island, where it all started, where Sora hopes it will end. Riku is on the little platform with the warped palm tree, the one that they always watched the sunset on together. It feels as though the tree is another facet of their relationship and Sora figures it's fitting that it can help them now.

"Riku," he calls softly. He can't see any change in Riku's posture and doesn't know how to feel about that. "Riku," he tries again more firmly.

Riku turns to face his name, and Sora's breath catches at the sight of Riku silhouetted by the moon, against the shoreline that he longed to enjoy again for years.

"Riku," Sora starts again, trying to find words that wont come, trying to find the right way to go about this.

"Sora," Riku answers, staring at the sand unseeingly. "I-"

But it seems as though Riku has no words either because he doesn't continue.

Words don't feel like enough, so Sora settles for action. He walks towards Riku, then hops up on their tree. Riku is watching him apprehensively and Sora tries to look calm and reassuring as he looks back at his best friend, his boyfriend, and pats the trunk beside him in invitation.

Slowly but surely Riku takes his spot on the tree and they watch the waves bathe the sand. The view was always amazing, but they always took it for granted, assuming that it would always be here, and that they would always be close enough to see it when they wanted.

"It's difficult…" Riku starts. Sora doesn't say anything and resists the urge to look over at Riku. This is their compromise; Sora hasn't stayed away, has instead cornered Riku in the middle of the night when he's feeling vulnerable, but he also hasn't asked for anything, and will do his best not to pry.

"Do you remember Ansem? Xenort? Whatever you want to call him." Sora does, but Riku doesn't look over or wait for an answer, he's just finding a place to start. "Do you remember how we...how we worked together for awhile?"

It's an understatement, but it's also an unquantifiable relationship. Again, Riku continues onward without waiting for an answer. Sora wonders that if this is a one-time deal, if Sora interrupts if Riku will never feel comfortable enough to open up again.

"I can still feel him, I can still remember his thoughts and access his memories as if they're my own," the words are hurried as though a damn has been broken and he couldn't stop them if he wanted to. "When I sleep I dream of places I've never been and people I've never met, and when I wake up it's like I'm still him." He pauses and then continues quietly, "I almost signed my name as Xenort on Kairi's birthday card, I can't separate myself from him."

Sora knows that no one lives in a bubble, that everyone influences others and that in their cases specifically, that sentiment is truer than most others. Still, Sora has never experienced anything like the duality Riku is describing.

"I'm me, but I'm not. I'm him but I'm also me." An audible swallow breaks up the words." I didn't recognize you tonight, and sometimes I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself." The sun in bruising the sky a light purple and the both of them watch it without really registering it. "Sometimes I can't tell what's real and what's a memory. What's a memory and what's a dream."

Sora rests his hand over Riku's and doesn't say anything. Riku doesn't continue, what else could there be to say?

They watch the run rise in silence before returning home.

Since his confession, Riku is tentative, as though waiting for Sora to call him out, to call him a fake, to kick him out of their little beach house. Sora does his best to continue on like nothing as changed and eventually Riku relaxes back into their routine as much as he can.

Things don't necessarily become easier, but they find ways to dispel the illusions Riku finds himself enduring. Sora will find Riku staring into space, looking at their friends as though they're strangers, and Sora will step in front of him, use their names loudly and buy Riku time until he can connect the dots and recall what he can.

It doesn't always work, but everyone seems patient enough, no one gives Riku odd looks when he just smiles and says something small. They don't ask him questions when they call his name and he doesn't answer right away. They don't even make jokes about him zoning out if he's staring at Sora. It's actually kind of nice.

Everyone is so understanding he confronts Sora one night. "Did you tell them?" He's defensive, as though he already knows the answer.

"No!" Sora defends. If there's one thing Sora knows it's Riku, and not to break promises. Riku has always kept his emotions fairly secretive and nothing less than physical harm to Riku could make him say anything.

The conversation devolves into a fight. Riku doesn't think people can be that relaxed, that understanding, that nieve without reason.

Sora is adamant that their friends simply understand that the journey has changed them both and are open to accepting them as they are.

They glare at each other, stalemated. Riku makes the first move and walks to the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sora bellows, they've never fought like this and Sora is so wound up, he doesn't know whether he should be pleased that Riku is running away or upset that they can't talk this through after everything they've been through.

"Away from you." The words are punctuated with the door closing behind Riku.

Sora has always dreamed of beating Riku in any competition they set for themselves, but this doesn't feel like a victory. It feels like a defeat. It feels like he's lost something more than his pride.

The next morning when Sora stumbles from their bedroom, sleep deprived and anxious he finds Riku in their kitchen, a cup of coffee in his hands that he can't seem to take his eyes off of, even though Sora has made more than enough noise to alert Riku to his presence.

"I'm sorry," Riku says, and it sounds like so much more than that.

"I'm sorry," Sora follows, almost in tandem, meaning so much more than just that.

Sora can see the little smile on the corners of Riku's lips and feels his own mouth turning up to match. His chest tells him that this is him winning.

"It's getting easier," Riku tells him as they're lying in bed next to each other. After their fight they had plastered their bedroom ceiling with glow in the dark stars. It's become a new favourite pastime to point to different stars and pretend they're places they have travelled to. To tell each other stories of their adventures in the warmth of their sheets.

"I remember you, and me, and Kairi, and the Island. It feels like he's fading."

Sora feels Riku grip his hand tighter and feels a happiness within him that he hasn't felt in months.

Sometimes Riku forgets to answer to his name, or avoids things with peanuts as though he thinks he's allergic. One time Riku came home with a shirt too big for him and Sora laughed at the look of dismay on his boyfriend's face. Riku joins him. It's something they can laugh about now.

Sora tries to be there to hold his hand and remind him of who he is and how far he's come and how much better he's gotten. It's all he can do really. It seems to be enough.

It's now weeks between lapses in judgement, between Riku ordering spicy food that Sora takes without complaint and replaces with his own, and between waking up in the middle of the night and wandering out of their house as though it's stifling and he's not welcome.

It's taken them a long time to come home, it's taken Riku even longer. But they're both here, they're both together, and it's all they could have ever wanted.

A/N: Hello! It's been a thousand years. I'm currently going through a weird backlog of fics I started once upon a time and never finished. Here's hoping to finishing some and to my writing being palatable enough that people still enjoy it!

-Reiver


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